Seven statements about flying... Or perhaps better known as “My list of complaints.”

1. Can anyone explain to me why, WHY the first half of the people on the plane can bring their oversized, overstuffed, don’t-quite-fit-in-the-compartment carry-ons, as well as their carry-on sized personal item tied to a random skateboard or other awkwardly shaped purchase, but the second half are asked to check all bags except one small carry-on item?

2. Might I mention that said oversized, overstuffed, don’t-quite-fit-in-the-compartment carry-ons also slow the UNLOADING process, since the extra time required to dislodge them holds up the line? This may create issues for those of us not wishing to use the restroom on the plane, and may be especially stressful when a traveler has been awake and active for most of 26 sequential hours. 

3. Aisle seats don’t work well for sleeping. Too many oversized people passing by, and those pop cans popping your ears can be pretty annoying. I will say, however, that a flight going from Albuquerque to Los Angeles followed by one from Los Angeles to Miami allows one to obtain almost a full night’s sleep (albeit an abbreviated night). I might also note here that leaving Albuquerque at 7 p.m. is like leaving in the dead of night, while arriving at LAX at 12 a.m. feels like rush hour.

4. Midnight flight turbulence is just as fun as daytime turbulence; however, I don’t think it is necessary to yell and awaken happily sleeping people because of your excitement. When it was truly exciting, with cups sliding off of seatback trays and carry-ons entering the aisle, I awakened on my own.

5. It would be helpful to know what the suspicion triggers are. I find it rather random that the body scan triggered a pat down on my elbow. Actually, yes, there is a small metal pin in there, but I’d rather you didn’t dislodge it.... And dear lady at security in Bogota, I understand your words in both English and Spanish, but I have no idea what you want me to tell you.

6. Mr. Pilot. I am glad you choose not to take off when the extra power sources stop functioning, but I’m not sure I want to know that we’ll leave if we can restart the plane, assuming they’ll make a trip that includes crossing the ocean.

7. Dear beloved fellow passengers..... Please, please, please remember that the poor person in the middle has nowhere to go. No respite in leaning into the aisle in the absence of interference, no window to flatten against. The middle passenger should always have the leeway of using the arm rests, and he/she certainly does not want your elbow in his/her lap. Thank you. This is especially applicable in the early a.m. hours.