One cannot relive a memory every day, and even as we try, we lose the details and perhaps a bit of the emotion. Sometimes this is good. Pain fades, hurt feelings lose their power to foster bitterness, anger abates. Sometimes it is not. I do not wish to lose the joy of birth, the sweet peace of moments with my babies.
And so I begin, writing a letter to my sweet Acacia of her life, a letter for her, for me, and to share with those who love us. )I might mention that this baby was the baby of emotions - I will never forget crying as I heard “Little Joe the Wrangler” - for the umpteenth time, but never before with tears.)
Precious Kate, from the time we knew you were coming, we were excited. And almost from he time we heard your heartbeat - certainly by the time I felt you kick - I called you Kate. Your dad picked your name, Acacia, beautiful tree of the Bible, but I had to call you something until he did so!
I thought you were going to come before Christmas… before it was really safe for you to come. One night the labor pains were strong and I worried. You waited, and contractions came other days, but I knew it wasn’t time. Your due date drew near and I grew tired of being pregnant. Pops said it looked like you might drop out the bottom of Mama’s huge stomach and no one asked IF I was pregnant any more - only when you were due! But Jael was busy and I was tired and I told Dad-dad that if oxytocin were the happy hormone needed for labor you would never come because we were always dealing with some small tragedy!
On Thursday, the 9th, we went to Pops and Mumzie’s to visit. All of my “to-do” list was done and Dad-dad had to go work there. I lay down with Jael for a nap at 1:30, and I felt a contraction…a nd a couple more kept me from sleeping long. We visited with Mumzie a bit when she got up and I decided to try to see if these contractions were for real, so we wandered to the barn and came back to visit more. They were often enough and strong enough that I hesitated to drive home, so we waited for Pops and Dad-dad to finish with the fence so Dad-dad could drive us home. “Call us if you need me,” said Mumzie as we left. We stopped in Claunch to feed our cows and I commented how much more painful the contractions were in the car. By the time we got home, I was sure I needed to call the midwife and I texted Mumzie.
The midwife’s name was Tiffany. We’d talked about fast labor and false labor and her coming immediately, but when I called, she questioned how strong and frequent the contractions were. I didn’t know how to describe it accurately. She said, “Well, do you want me to come now?” I thought, “I’m calling you. DUH!” But I said, “Well, I think you should for peace of mind’s sake. I doubt it’ll be right away so you don’t have to rush, but….” She said, “I’ll grab a bite to eat and be on my way.” That was at 5:30.
Meanwhile, I put a few things away and tried to help Dad-dad find supper for Jael, but finally the contractions were too strong and I went to my bed. With each one, I prayed out loud (because I had been told not to close my mouth or grit my teeth), “God, please help this baby come fast!” Meanwhile, Dad-dad and Jael were eating… and he was listening, wondering how he would help me and watch Jael.
Mumzie and Pops arrived just as the others finished eating, maybe a little after 6. Mumzie helped me get the bed ready, and braced me during contractions, while Pops read to Jael and played with her. Both Mumzie and Dad-dad were with me when things got really close - Dad-dad had tried to call Tiffany, who’d promised to walk us through anything important on the phone, but she had no service. I threw up, and then I needed the bathroom and then Mumzie asked, “Are you pushing?”
“I don’t know” (and Dad-dad began cleaning up my mess on the bed). “I think the baby’s coming!” for I felt your little head…And I yelled.
“Well, for goodness sake!” exclaimed Mumzie, for they’d barely gotten through the last mess.
One, two, three pushes, and you were out. I was turning over to hold you as they handed me towels and wrapped you up. You were so slippery, so tiny, so purple, so wrinkled, so dark. The observations were innumerable, and my feelings so scattered. I was relieved and delighted and muddled. To hold you, to see you, to know you were real I thought would bring tears, but I was so happy to be done that the relief brought a smile.
It was 6:55 when Pops heard the first cry. He brought Jael in and they came to see you and to share the joy. The next hour is a blur of you nursing, of Mumzie coaching me so the placenta would come, of Tiffany on the phone because I had a blood clot, but mostly of an odd sense of normalcy, that this is just the way things should be. 
When Tiffany came (at 8:00), she got the blood clot out and cut your cord and coached me through all the things recovery involved - expecting me to even eat in bed because of pelvic floor damage. Eating in bed only lasted as long as she was here, although I did try to otherwise rest for a week as commanded. You and I spent a lot of time in our room in the rocking chair.
She gave us all your stats: 7 pounds, 6 ounces (although you shrank to 7-1 during the first few days), 19 inches long, a head diameter of 13 inches. You looked much longer - your legs and feet and fingers and toes were so long. We were sure you took after my side of the family, although everything about you was remarkably skinny. Your cry was deep and hearty. You didn’t cry much, but when you did, we knew it! Your skin was remarkably dark and your eyes a dusky blue; you had a head full of dark hair… Somehow we knew you would transform your looks.
Tiffany also had to examine you, and found an extreme tongue tie, which she snip, snip, snipped. You had to learn to nurse all over again, and it was nearly 11 pm before we were left in peace. I think you had been stimulated a little too long, for you did not sleep peacefully 6 hours, but we made it through the night.
The next morning is one of my favorite memories, sweet Kate. It was a snowy, cold morning, though I couldn’t see that except when I wandered to a window. I lay in bed nursing you, and listening. I could smell coffee, and hear the fires warming our cold house, watching the flames nearby. Pops and Dad-dad were in the kitchen fixing breakfast. Mumzie was changing Jael’s diaper. And here we were, all my favorite people, in my house, all celebrating you, my precious peaceful little life.
No comments:
Post a Comment